American Mythology, Men, and Morality
“I have spent my life judging the distance between American reality and the American dream.” – Bruce Springsteen I was introduced to Bruce through Elizabeth Wurtzel. At thirteen, strolling the aisles at the local Barnes and Noble bookstore chain with my family in tow, waiting for a table at the Italian restaurant chain around the…
Is two better than one?
But did you ever see that thin stream of light over you as you lay between them? The Spanish birds out there just beyond meeting the day. But the time didn’t matter to you then, it didn’t matter to any of you then.
Mountains, mirrors, and portals
Tignes, France I understand now why people say the mountain air is healing. Stepping foot off the train I immediately felt cleansed, but the remnants are still sticking to me. The unfamiliarly of every aspect of this atmosphere making me feel like a dried up fish out of water, too soon after being a fish…
Dear F: And then I fell for you
“The human heart has a tiresome tendency to label as fate only what crushes it. But happiness likewise, in its way, is without reason, since it is inevitable.” “What is called a reason for living is also an excellent reason for dying.” – Albert Camus, The Myth of Sisyphus It’s not easy for me to…
Solitude and other horrors
“Instead of obtaining myself by fleeing, I find myself forsaken, alone, tossed into a dimensionless cubicle, where light and shadow are quiet ghosts. In my interior I find the the silence I seek. But in it I become so lost from any memory of a human being and of myself that I make this impression…
Secrecy: Hieroglyphics and indecipherable codes
“The little girl’s sense of secrecy that developed at prepuberty only grows in importance. She closes herself up in a fierce solitude: she refuses to reveal to those around her the hidden self that she considers to be her real self and that is in fact an imaginary character: she plays at being a dancer…
Dear F: Perverted postcards from the depths
“It is hard to isolate a moral quality in the free act. And then again, all love-making to one less instructed than oneself has the added delicious thrill which comes from the consciousness of perverting, of pulling them down into the mud from which passions rise — together with poems and theories of God. It…
Somewhere: Between sheets
“Freedom isn’t enough. What I desire doesn’t have a name yet.” – Clarice Lispector, Near to the Wild Heart I once wrote that I’ll know I’m free of you when I stop listening to your song to fall asleep. When I stop searching for your arms in everyone who shares my bed, stop searching for your…
Solitude: The invisible thread
“You live your life as if it’s real… The evidence accumulates that you’re not running the show. You still have to make choices as if you were running the show, but you make your choices with the intuitive understanding that it’s unfolding as it must… And if you can relax in that… if you can…
F’s Brutal Hands: A defense against vertigo
“Anyone whose goal is ‘something higher’ must expect someday to suffer vertigo. What is vertigo? Fear of falling? No, Vertigo is something other than fear of falling. It is the voice of the emptiness below us which tempts and lures us, it is the desire to fall, against which, terrified, we defend ourselves.” – Milan…
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Solitude and Sex 